Obsession is defined as a persistent disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling.
I constantly battle with what in some stages of my life could be deemed to be an obsession with my own body image. Some days I feel great about myself and other days I don’t. In a world where we share our lives through images on social media I have really had to battle with my own internal (often negative) thoughts.
Last year I became obsessed with my weight. I would weigh myself almost everyday to the point where it became extremely unhealthy. I was always trying to drop a few more kilos. Now a year on I have put on 4kg from my lowest point and I am so so much healthier. I weigh myself once every second month and I have taught myself not to get caught up on a single number. In order to get on track I had to ban myself from the scale.
With my trip to Greece fast approaching I have definitely been feeling pressure to be in shape before I go away and this has had a negative impact on the past couple of months for me. As much as it is great to be going to the gym and trying to eat healthy I feel that no matter how in shape I get I will always be trying for that one bit better and emotionally this gets draining.
This has led me to stop thinking about what I can make better and instead tell myself one thing I like about myself everyday I go to criticise myself in the mirror. It is honestly almost an obsession to get smaller and more toned when in reality I am going to look how ever I look and I should be more than happy about who I am. Improvement will come where it is earned over a long period of time.
I am being very open about this issue because I think acknowledging it is an issue is important. I also know a lot of people go through this and no one is alone. We tend to be our harshest critics when really we all need to love ourselves more.
Show yourself some love and remember you’re perfect the way you are.
Much love from me and all my curves.
Cait xx
Caitlyn Farrar 
A wonderful and inspiring post Cait, and I am glad that you are doing so well with this struggle.
Food and weight are incredibly difficult for me right now, and my anorexia has ahold over my life. The thing is that I feel more energised, positive about myself, more motivated, less anxious, and my suicidal thoughts dissapear when I am in the grips of anorexia. So I dont want it to change. On the other hand, the more intense the anorexia is, the more likely I am to get hospitalised again, and the risk to my physical health also means that I am less likely to achieve my goals. I also detest my face thats so gaunt it draws attention to me. All in all its quite a battle.
I am so grateful for your post.
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It is a battle worth fighting. If you ever want to chat DM me on instagram. Sending my love and best wishes in the future to you ❤
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Thankyou. I’m not on Instagram yet, however I’ll look into creating an account.
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I’m a guy, but I understand how society pressures women to look like a skeletal model in a fashion show. Also women, more so than men, are urged to look just a certain way. The fact is that it isn’t a fair demand on women like you. Further, a lot of guys aren’t as shallow as women might think. The converse is true of women looking at guys. It gets to be obsessive, as you say, but in the end, the only judge of you that matters is yourself 🙂
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Exactly. We aren’t all built to look like models and that is okay! Thank you 😊
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Cait, I completely empathize with the struggle to be happy with our body image. You look absolutely beautiful to me with a lovely inner glow.
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That’s is so sweet of you! Thanks you 💖
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Well, screw societys perception, you look stunning, darling!
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❤❤❤
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Thank you for your transparency! This struggle is so common.
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Thanks for reading!
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